Town Lake Sk8 Park Finally Open

Finished park a haven for angsty teens

That's right, residents. Those six months you spent sharing the bus route with Ballpark Pansies and walking the long way around were for nothing. And by nothing I mean sweaty, emo boys hyped up on Mountain Dew and pipe dreams.

"No, that's silly." Town Lake spokeswoman Gina Munford said. "They built a waterway, drainage thingy."

Yea....anyway, the construction team began building last January on Project Town Teen, creating a perfect half-pipe equipped lined with porn and Surge on the inside.

"We put our nose to the grind and grabbed our primo opportunity for this thing," Sk8 Park construction manager Chief Wells. "We had a 50-50 chance of success and a few fakies and bails on the way, but finally the operation took a 360 and we finished strong."

The teens flock to the park every weekend, clogging up Pleasant Valley traffic by constantly being hit by cars and generally being mildly annoying.

Residents, however, don't seem to mind.

"If it keeps them out of our parties, that's just less booze I have to buy with my fake ID this weekend." history sophomore Josh Mayor said.